With everything going on in my life right now I have a lot of time to look back and reflect on the decisions I’ve made. Some are good, some are bad, but most are borderline regrettable. I say borderline because I really don’t regret anything that has happened in my life (NO RAGRETS) but maybe sometimes I should. I’m not exactly talking about the fights I had in middle school, or the lies I’ve told throughout the years. I’m talking about the good stuff; sex, drugs, and my extremely questionable morals.
Lets head back to freshman year of high school circa 2009, when LG Envy’s were all the rage. Yeah that’s right, I didn’t say iPhone. They were still a thing of the future as far as teenagers were concerned. First of all, I had braces which is unfortunate for anyones face. We were all these awkward little things herded into a new school and expected to spread our wings and fly. And fly we did. But not exactly the kind of flying our teacher’s were going for, more along the lines of experimental drug use.
A couple puffs is all it took and we were flying high up to the clouds. And by we I actually don’t mean me because my group of friends were strictly against smoking, so I was too. Talk about the blind leading the blind. My relationship with good old mary jane would begin soon enough. Now even though we weren’t a fan of smoking we found another substance that helped us fly… your typical shitty vodka that could make you puke just thinking about it. Your first experience drinking is always a memorable one. Mine included a couple of older guys, shoving bread down my best friends throat, and a hot and heavy hook up scandal.
But that was all kiddie shit. I quickly upgraded from a couple mixed drinks to power hour shots, which honestly no teenage chicks stomach should be able to handle. Puking is inevitable at that age. I spent many night’s waking up in various places wondering what happened, what is life, and more importantly where is the water? I’ve woken up in bathtubs and bedrooms alike wondering wtf. One particular night the big joke was that the one guy made out (since hookup is now so ambiguous) with three girls. A couple days pass and we’re all still laughing and making fun of him about it, me included. It wasn’t until a couple weeks later I find out I just happened to be one of those lucky girls. Talk about looking like a jackass. But even still, most people’s favorite story of my questionable morals was the time I went to church with cum in my hair. My first blow job and this is what ends up happening. There is really no way to explain or defend that other than saying it was a time of early morning parent pick ups with no time to shower. I will say I didn’t realize until after, if that makes it any better.
After a while I slowly enter the magical doors of the all natural marijuana. Ironically, the first thing I ever smoked was k2, which is a synthetic cannabis that I have no idea how or why my friends had and I’m not even sure if it still exists. Mainly because why would you want synthetic when it is so easy to get the good shit? At this point most of my guy friends were older and serious stoners. On one occasion my friend and I snuck out, only to watch two of our guy friends SWEY, or smoke weed eat yogurt which is a Mac Miller reference. We seriously stood there, watched them smoke, eat yogurt, fell asleep till five in the morning, and then were brought home. Why? Because that is a clear example of the stupid things teenagers do. I can say that these guys were the ones who really showed us how great weed actually is and if you think otherwise because it’s illegal you’re just dead wrong. It shouldn’t even be illegal in the first place and it wouldn’t be if it weren’t for those who had a specific agenda to outlaw it for their personal gain. One of them being Harry J. Anslinger, he’s a dick, whatever.
I used to sneak out a lot. And I mean A LOT. But the thing is it wasn’t even fun or exciting because it was so fucking easy. I almost wanted to get caught just for the thrill of it. My dad would be watching tv in the living room and I would walk out the front door. How anticlimactic. I never had to jump out of windows or sneak out from the basement. I even used to take my sisters car before I had my license. I would have butterflies in my stomach as I pulled out of the driveway, lights off, as slowly and quietly as possible. (p.s. when I did sneak out and drive I never drank. I’m questionable not stupid) The first time I snuck out my little brother even told on me and my mom didn’t believe him. Lol sorry Jaqui, it happened.
Hooking up. Whatever the fuck that means these days I like it. I’m a makeout whore and a very sexual person. I blame it on my zodiac sign, I’m a scorpio. But I hate being judged for this. Sexuality shouldn’t be something you’re ashamed of and you should never get slut shamed because of it. There are tribes in Africa who seriously think its amusing that Westerners sexualize boobs. To them they are to provide milk to their babies. Which is what they are and when you think about them that way it’s weird to sexualize them. I love my body and love being naked. It’s not that I think I have a great body by any means but I am comfortable in my skin and think it’s sad how self conscious girls are. Because if you’re big, little, or in between we all have the same body parts. We’ve all seen naked people so why is it so shocking?
“Don’t you have any self respect????” Yes I do. It’s called SELF respect and everyone has a different idea of what that is. I love sex and I’m not ashamed to say it. There’s also a difference between having sex and making love. I have never made love because I’ve never been in love but I hear it’s better so I’m looking forward to that.
But let’s bringing it back to alcohol, my one true love. Just kidding, kind of. NO MOM I’M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC. I’m a normal teenage chick who likes to get drunk sometimes. I have been sober for three months now and I think that’s the longest time since I was 15. I’m eager to drink again but am realizing it’s about moderation and control. Blacking out every weekend isn’t cool anymore, I’m over it. You get to a point where it’s just repetitive, like have the same night every weekend. Pre game the pre game and then go out. It almost makes me wish I wouldn’t have partied so much in high school and waited till college. Because now I’m a freshman in college and over it, while some kinds are just getting into it. It's not that I don't wanna party and have fun anymore, it's just I realize there are more important things in life.
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