Journals are better than blogging

I know I haven't been blogging much, but I got a journal and have been writing some thoughts in there. I thought I would share some...

Suicide is Selfish is an Awful Alliteration

I know I've talked about it before, but I think suicide is something really important to discuss. Especially because of what has just happened to someone who brought happiness and laughter to so many, yet couldn't find the same for himself (RIP Robin Williams). It is very, very misunderstood and I think it is extremely important to educate people. Suicide victims are victims of their own mind. I don't think people can quite comprehend that, particularly people who have never gone through depression themselves, or personally known anyone who have taken their own lives. I have gone through both. Not that I'm an expert on the subject, but I do believe I have a much better understanding than the general population.

Suicide stems from depression or any other mental illness. It is something people can't understand because it is all interior. There is no physical trauma, but that doesn't make it any less important than cancer. It is strange to me how people can have so much empathy for cancer patients, yet feel as though suicide victims are "selfish." That is an awful mindset to have. It is, essentially, the same thing as calling a patient with heart disease, selfish. Obviously no one believes that to be true, so why is suicide any different?

I think the difference to people is that cancer (or any other disease) is something that could happen to them, whereas depression/suicide never could. But the thing is, this isn't true. Depression could happen to anyone, at any time, regardless of how seemingly happy they are. It is extremely easy to fake a smile, while feeling as though a rain cloud is permanently stuck in your soul. It is something you can't control. As much as you want to be happy, sometimes you can't get out of bed. It is also very unpredictable and sporadic. Every day is different.

People with depression feel helpless, worthless, lonely. They feel like a burden to the people they love. That is one of the reasons they can't be called selfish. They truly believe that they are doing these people a favor by leaving their lives. In their sick heads, death is the only way out, the only thing that will cure their illness. And until you have endured these feelings, the black hole of emptiness, you have no room to make judgements. Your negativity is not helping anyone, but it sure is hurting a lot of people.

Suicide is also something people don't like talking about, but that is part of the problem. People with suicidal thoughts are forced to face it alone, when being lonely is a key component to depression. It is almost an awkward topic. People don't know what to say. So they try to distract people, instead of dealing with the real issue. They can't say the words "suicide" or "depression" because saying them somehow makes them true. In order to help this epidemic, we must learn how to deal with it, and accept it. People should not only be educated on the topic itself, but how to spot the signs, as well as how to actually assist people going through it.

There is nothing selfish about suicide, but there is a lot selfish about not doing anything about it.

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

Ignorance is bliss...

I just realized how long it's been since I posted anything... I went on vacation to the outer banks and didn't bring my phone which was really nice. Since then I guess I just haven't had much to say. Something that has really been bothering me is how we separate people based on countries, instead of being upset just because they are humans. With this whole Malaysian flight everyone's like how many American's were on it???!! Because that seriously matters or something. Like it isn't bad enough that all these people died, people are only upset if they came from their own country. I think it's just sad that we even have borders. That we go to war and that Americans get upset when we "get into other people's business." It should be our business. We should help people in need. Whether it be people in our own country, or people in other countries. And yeah, I get America is in debt, but think about how much money is circulating around still. Think about the movie stars being paid millions of dollars to be in a movie and all the people who pay money to see it. Is that really the best use of that money? I'm a film major which might seem weird that I'm saying this, but I think it is ridiculous how much these people are paid. Even if I ever was paid that much, I would use a majority of it to help people. I don't believe anyone needs that much money in order to live comfortably. Having a huge house on the beach with seven cars, and a private jet is ignorant and unnecessary in my opinion. People care about themselves too much. It doesn't matter that innocent people are being killed in several countries, because they aren't "our people." We bomb and kill for peace, which will never happen as long as we keep killing. I guess I'm just really sad about the world we live in. I'm sad about what we put importance in. I'm sad about how hearing about killing is so normal. And I'm sad we all just sit and let this all happen.

Prozac Nation

I'm reading the book Prozac Nation, and just watched the movie and can say it's one of my favorites of both. It's written by a woman named Elizabeth Wurtzel, it's a memoir. It's so real and honest. About depression, about fear of rejection, about sex, about divorce. I could quote the whole thing because it is all so true. I don't think I've ever come across something that I sincerely understand so perfectly. It's like this character is me and I'm reading words I feel but don't remember saying. I comprehend her feelings on everything. If anyone wants to get inside my head, this is the book to read/movie to watch.

I do have depression, apparently. I say apparently because I don't really know any other way of life. I don't know any other way to feel because I've felt it so long, it's become my normal. I'm on antidepressants, but they don't work. Like Elizabeth, I feel crazy, so crazy, but I have to hide it. Pretend I'm okay. I mean, that's what we all do sure. But for people with depression it's so much worse. The pain has exceeded pain and has become numb. And you can't talk about this because you're supposed to be happy and have fun and be normal. But this is your normal. She never fit in with her peers and that was never my case. I had friends and did everything you would expect a girl my age to do. But looking and thinking back, I never felt like I really fit in. That I had two sides of me and had to devour the one so the other one could thrive. I hid my emotions so far down I became a robot. If I did let my emotions out it was like an Earthquake. It would start out about something small and then bring down a house. I think it's because I feel everything so deeply, but don't want to. I'd rather be a robot like everyone else because this is what is expected. I was scared to be real, but I'm not scared anymore. When you do break down, which we all do and someone tells you it's okay or everyone has bad days they don't understand that it's different. "I feel like a defective model, like I came off the assembly line flat-out fucked and my parents should have taken me back for repairs before the warranty ran out."

She deals with her parents' divorce, which is why she has a fear of rejection. My parent's aren't divorced, [content censored due to unapproval of those referenced] How are you supposed to fall in love if you don't know what real love is? I see it all around me, in real life, in books, in movies. But I still don't know how to feel it. Reality bores me, so how can I live here? The words I write, the things I say mean nothing. It's all just floating in the universe waiting for someone to catch it. No one seems to ever catch it the right way. It's like any sport. There's a right and wrong way to catch a football. When people do try to reach out to me, when they try to, it's useless because their hands are clumsy. They might catch it for a second, a moment might make me feel better, and then it falls to the ground and the moment passes.

She meets a guy and decides he's going to be her savior. Everyone wants to believe they don't need to be saved, but what if you really can't save yourself? At first you self medicate with drugs and alcohol and sex. Which keeps you numb for a while, but you can't stay wasted forever. There comes a point you need to sober up, but that doesn't seem like an option. So you go to someone else to save you, maybe without them knowing. If they just say one thing right, it may be worth it. But in the end they grow tired of the demons in your head. And you can't even blame them because you're tired too. So now you're back where you started possibly worse than before. But you're just crazy or you're just looking for attention. So you shove it back down your throat long enough for you to go about your day, until you're alone at home and it come's bursting right back up.

I don't think anyone really understands me. Because I don't understand me. And that's scary. Genuinely not knowing who you are because you want to be and pretend to be so many people that you don't know what's real anymore. Most people probably look at me and see a "normal" girl. Who grew up in a good family. Went to a good school. But depression doesn't care who you are or where you came from. "...if you ask anyone in the throes of depression how he got there, to pin down the turning point, he'll never know. There is a classic moment in The Sun Also Rises when someone asks Mike Campbell how he went bankrupt, and all he can say in response is, 'Gradually and then suddenly.' When someone asks how I lost my mind, that is all I can say too." That's better than I can put it. If you actually do decide to read or watch it, you'll realize she talks about suicide and tries to kill herself. I've never ever felt that low. There's so much I want to do with my life. So many possibilities. "Homesickness is just a state of mind for me. I'm always missing someone or someplace or something, I'm always trying to get back to some imaginary somewhere. My life has been one long longing." I'm homesick for experiences and adventures. For the place's I want to visit I can physically feel it. But the problem is I can't feel the "normal" things everyone else feels. And at time's I don't want to. Yet, still, there are times that I do.

I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I don't even want to talk about it. I just think there are other people out there who feel the same way. I also don't want anyone to think it feels like this all the time and I'm always pretending, because that would be a lie. I do have a great life and I know that. It's just hard to feel it. I'm inside my head too much, and don't always know how to use my heart. The thing is I try to love so much, and at times I really do love so much it hurts. I'll be in a moment with people and think I could die without them with me. Like my heart would physically explode without them. Which makes it confusing because it's not the kind of love I need. "...what I really need, what I'm really looking for, is not something I can articulate. It's nonverbal: I need love. I need the thing that happens when your brain shuts off and your heart turns on. And I know it's around me somewhere, but I just can't feel it." The yearning for something you can't reach is terrifying. Because it makes everything else you feel seem insipid.

I'm not ignorant by any means of what I should be feeling. My head tells me one way to feel and my heart tells me another. At times I get so mad for no reason and can't control it. Not being able to control your emotions is the most frustrating thing. Anything someone does irritates you and you want to scream at everyone. You get mad when they sneeze. Literally. It sounds stupid and ridiculous, I know, but it's uncontrollable. I think my shortness is a perfect analogy. It's like I'm constantly reaching for this balloon that's floating further and further away and I can't seem to reach it, even though I can see it. I want the bad feelings out and the good feelings in, but they're stuck so tight I don't know how to get rid of them. Like a parasite in my soul, I can't remove. And it sucks. It just really, really sucks.

Different is not the same as wrong.

So many people think that because someone shares different views than them, it is wrong. And it absolutely is not, it's just different. Jaqui (my mother) is a perfect example. Because I don't believe in Christianity per se, she's like "how could I raise you so wrong?"Just because I believe in something else doesn't make me bad or wrong or whatever. One of the reasons the world is such a shitty place (really society I suppose) is because people don't accept anyone but people like them. The people who share the same beliefs as them, look like them, sound like them, whathaveyou. And it's a goddamn shame. Instead of everyone accepting people for who they are, they'll fight them or best case, straight ignore them. I think hearing someone else's thoughts is so enlightening, even if I don't agree. Because sometimes they have thoughts on things that have never even came across my mind. Which leads me to thinking about even more things. I can at least say I'll listen to peoples opinions, peoples ideologies, people's faith. Obviously not everyone is ever going to be on the same page about everything, but take in their side, and accept it. Accept people for who they are because we are all people. Stop seeing races, sexualities, religions, etc., and start seeing humans. Because as big as we think we are, there are still living things rooted in the ground that can poison us, and little creatures that can kill us. We aren't special. "The nexus of space and time where you are now is the most immediate sector of your universe." So stop judging other people and live. Stop disempowering yourself. Be accepting and love.

listen to this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K76HlcP-c-w

I have nothing to say...

I just realized I haven't posted anything in ten days. I guess I've just been too hype about summer to write. This post is pretty much pointless, just letting everyone know I'm alive. Not that anyone really cares. I haven't really had much to say lately either, which is weird. I usually have a lot of thoughts that I write down in the notes on my phone so I don't forget, but I don't have anything. It's like my brains taking the summer off, even though it's had literally 5 months off at this point. I am taking online English which is sucky because the papers I've been writing are sucky. I got a D on my first paper ever. I couldn't even believe it. My mind has turned to mush which is just so sad. I can't focus at all and am constantly getting distracted. I had to read a paper for class and just couldn't do it, it was so frustrating. I honestly don't even have anything else to say... so until next time, whenever that may be. xoxo gossip girl lol k bye 

Conceited or confident?

One of the biggest problems of this world is that we're more comfortable calling ourselves ugly, than beautiful. We put ourselves down so we don't make others feel bad. If you love your hair, or eyes, or, your body in general, say it. If you love a certain personality trait, don't be scared to admit it. We're seen as conceited if we say anything positive about ourselves. But confidence and conceitedness are two different things that we tend to use interchangeably. The word conceited also has this stigma that I never really understood. "Excessively proud of oneself." You should be excessively proud. Because loving yourself has never, and will never be a bad thing. Even if it is "excessively."

Friendzoned or nah

I hate this whole idea of being "friendzoned" because it's literally not a real thing. Everyone has a right to be with someone they want to be with, and no one is entitled to anyone. A lot of guys (some girls may think it too, idk) have this mindset that when a girl is just friends with a boy, he's friendzoned aka not gonna get any from her. Like just because he was nice to her, or maybe bought her dinner one time, he deserves to be with her. Don't get mad that she doesn't want to suck your dick, someone else will. Get over it.

If you want to date someone, make an effort to be with them. And if they still don't feel the same way, you can't get mad. They still deserve respect. This goes for girls too. Everyone gets so offended if someone doesn't like them. The way someone perceives you isn't how you actually are, it's who you are to them. For example, if someone calls you a bitch, it doesn't mean you're a bitch, it means they think you are a bitch. Therefore, if someone doesn't like you, it usually doesn't have to do with you, so there's no need to be upset about it.

Also "nice guys finish last" makes me so mad as well, because they don't. Just because you are nice, doesn't mean she'll automatically want you, and she doesn't have to. It's not a privilege for guys to be nice to girls, the way some tend to think. Some guys act like by being nice to a girl, they have a right to get with her or be with her, which is not true at all. Nice guys don't finish last because all guys should be nice. If all douche bags stop being douche bags, and all "nice guys" stop complaining, everyone would probably be able to be with who they want.

We are free

Sometimes we confuse our dreams with reality because a dream starts in the middle, there is no clear beginning or end. You don't have to build up courage to talk to that one person because you have already started your sentence. You don't have to wait until something great happens because it's happening right then. And when that great thing does happen it can last forever. You can wake up, forget the whole thing, and then fall back asleep and start it all over again. In reality we question things and are hesitant, but in dreams we can do anything we've ever wanted and everything we never knew we wanted. In dreams we are free. 

Uhhh I have to brush my hair...

Why is it that we feel a need to explain ourselves when we can't do something? Or even worse feel the need to make an excuse when we don't want to do something? When someone asks me to hang out I can think of 78 different excuses for why I can't instead of just simply saying no thanks. I'd feel like an ass if I straight up said no but that shouldn't be the case. We should be able to politely (because being rude is still being rude) say we don't want to, when we don't want to or when we just don't feel like it. This is just another one of those weird indoctrinated ideas in our heads. And I just want to know why, it seems so stupid. Maybe it's selfish of me but if I don't want to do something I shouldn't have to explain myself. I also shouldn't feel like I have to do something I have no interest in doing just to keep myself from seeming like a bitch. Because honestly how pissed at yourself would you be if you died doing something you didn't want to be doing in the first place. I would haunt myself if it were possible. I don't know though just some random thoughts.. If someone knows the answer of why we think this I'd love to know. Or maybe it's just me that feels this way? I'm not sure but I'd like to know either way.

Cock block the vote

Since it's Election Day I figured I'd talk about my views on voting which basically is I refuse to. I'm registered to vote and I did vote in the 2012 election. The reason I will no longer vote is because I don't know what I'm voting for and frankly I don't care to. And you may think it's ignorant of me but hear me out. I voted for Obama mainly because he was black and I was like cool but also because I agreed with most of his policies and what not. But then there are those other officials that I just voted for because I liked their name or they were a chick or whatever. I had no clue what or who I was potentially electing. Which is complete bullshit.

Everyone tells teens to vote because every vote counts and blah blah blah but teens have no idea what they're voting for. Shit half the country doesn't know what they're voting for. And you could say well oh it's their duty as an American citizen to keep track of politics so they actually vote for someone they agree with. But I don't think that would make a damn difference. Some kids also just vote for whoever their parents or families vote for which is another issue I have in and of itself. I have my own mind and can make my own decisions. My grandpop was in city council, he has strong views on politics, but that doesn't mean I share the same views.

But the reason I don't think it'd make a difference is because look at Obama. Our first black president which I think is awesome but what isn't awesome is the fact that people voted for him solely based on his race. That's not okay clearly because our country is still a shithole. Our national deficit dropped 37% in 2013. The whole issue with Obamacare and the website glitches. How come a government website crashes because an overload of people trying to get on it but porn sites are just fine? I don't get that but whatever. I could google the rest of the issues with the country but I don't feel like it. You know the problems. 

A while back I watched an interview of Russell Brand telling his views on voting and government. I actually ended up using for a philosophy presentation. One thing he said was,

“I have never voted. Like most people I am utterly disenchanted by politics. Like most people I regard politicians as frauds and liars and the current political system as nothing more than a bureaucratic means for furthering the augmentation and advantages of economic elites.” 

I completely agree. The political system isn't helping anyone but themselves. They're helping big business... Everyone that doesn't need/ shouldn't be getting help. Why the fuck are we okay with 1% of the US taking in nearly a quarter of the nations income each year??? We look at impoverished countries and feel so sad yet there is plenty poverty in America. It's not that I'm not voting out of apathy, it's that I don't find this system effective. I refuse to vote until I see a change in the way things are run. Until people wake the fuck up.

I don't know how to fix the government but what I do know is 

1. Stop ruining the planet
2. Stop pretending some lives are more important than others
3. Stop exploiting the underclass
4. Stop electing based on wealth
5. START SERVING THE NEEDS OF THE PEOPLE... ALL OF THE PEOPLE

I realize this is very controversial and most people don't agree with me but that is part of the problem. We are okay with this shitty political system because we have faith in the shitty people running it. They tell us we need to learn about history so that history doesn't repeat itself right? But is that not what is happening? The government has some highs but lets be real, mostly lows, yet we continue to blindly follow their rules because what else are we supposed to do. How about take a stand and make the change. As Russell Brand says, don't wait to be given the right, take it.

Rape culture is the best culture

Rape culture yay! Such a fun and ultimately frustrating thing to talk about. This kind of goes along with my double standards post. The fact that girls can't do what boy's do. (That can go the other way around which I don't think I mentioned but I think I'm a girl so I guess I'm bias) Why is it that I grew up thinking I was "asking for it" if I wore a short skirt or showed my midriff? Why does my dad tell me "it's different for a girl" every single fucking time I go out?

Because hellllllooo The only reason it's different for a girl is because people keep saying it's different for a girl. You can't get too drunk because you're a girl and you could get raped. That's the reason. Does no one realize what you're telling girls? You're telling girls they can't have fun the way guys do because guys will take advantage of them. You know what would be better to do???? Teach boys that its not fucking okay to sexually assault girls. We all think and believe this but who is reiterating it in little boys heads? No one. Instead we are telling girls they can't do things that boys can do because boys can't handle themselves. Which only makes boys think it's okay for them to do it. Because if the girl wasn't asking for it she wouldn't be drunk in a tight dress at a bar right??? ndvcmeahwi;j;afjn aj;fj alf Literally that's how I feel about this because I can't comprehend it.

You're teaching little girls that it's their fault if a guy forces them into any type of sexual situation because of what they are wearing or what they were doing. If they were wearing a short skirt or were drunk obviously it's their fault it happened. People seriously put that into consideration like it's an okay way to think. Why in the fucking world is it seen even a little bit okay for a girl to be harmed because of something she was doing "wrong"? When men are put on trial after rapping a women and it is found out that the girl was on drugs or the girl was a prostitute it can hurt the case and the guy can literally get away with it. I don't care if the women is a stripper or a hooker, I don't care if the women was drunk or high, I don't care if the women was walking around in nipple tassels and a thong, RAPE IS NEVER OKAY.

School's have dress codes for girls saying they can't show too much of their shoulder or too much leg and god forbid they ever show their stomach. You're telling little girls that if they show their bodies, boys will be distracted and not be able to pay attention. You are shaming girls because of the body they were born with. Why are boy's allowed to show their bodies when girl's are not?? No one ever stops and thinks oh maybe a girl will be distracted by a guys abs so he shouldn't be able to take his shirt off. No one thinks like this. But guess what!! Girls get just as distracted by guys bodies as guys do with girls. That's kind of the thing with genders. You're intrigued by a body that is different than yours. And the only reason you're intrigued is because it's made out to be like a big secret. You don't even find out there's a difference between male and female bodies until you're what 5 or 6 give or take. It's like a big surprise showing up to your first health class and seeing a penis for the first time. When and why did our bodies become so private and hidden?

Men are allowed to walk around with their shirt off and it's completely normal. But women's boobs are sexualized and because they are sexualized they have to be covered at all times. Penises and vaginas are allowed to be sexualized obviously because they are sex organs. Without them there wouldn't be sex which means there wouldn't be sexualization and there also wouldn't be any humans so yeah they can be sexualized (that doesn't mean I think you should have to hide them though) But boobs have nothing to do with that. The sole purpose of boobs are to feed the boy that will grow up and disrespect girls because of their boobs. Women help populate the Earth so I'm really not sure where men's superiority comes from. It takes both genders to create a human being right? So why should one ever be considered "better" or "dominant" or "in charge"? Why should one be able to show more of their body than the other? They should be seen equally because they are both equally important.

And now girl's aren't the only victim of rape culture either. It is possible for a man to be raped, believe it or not. But society refuses to believe it, so men won't report or admit it. It's not okay for a guy to take advantage of a girl and it's not okay for a girl to take advantage of a guy. When I think about it, it's not okay for a guy to take advantage of a guy or a girl to take advantage of a girl either. Basically just don't take advantage of anyone okay?? Guys are always made out to be sexual predators, but sometime's it is the other way around. And sometime's they aren't sexual predators at all, would you look at that. It is so easy for a girl to make up that she was assaulted and the man could/would be found guilty. I do see it the other way around which most people don't even realize. That's why we have to stop seeing guys as predators and girls as victims. That's why we need to ease off gender roles. We are slightly different and in some respect there's no way around it. But if we never had these strict rules of this is okay to do if you are a boy and this is acceptable to do if you are a girl, none of this would be a problem. It would be okay for everyone to do everything that's okay to do and acceptable for everyone to do everything that's acceptable to do. Rape culture wouldn't exist.

Double standards and bullshit

I guess I just have a lot on my mind today and have a lot to say... I'm going to be really honest right now. I HATE being a girl. But I also don't want to be a boy either. I hate the gender stereotypes and the fact that most of them are true. I hate the double standards most of all. The fact that a guy can do something, but a girl can't. Why is it that when a girl hooks up with a lot of guys, she's slut shamed, but when a guy does it, he's praised? Does no one see how fucked up that is?

If it is "bad" for girls to hook up with a lot of guys, it should be the same the other way around. Or maybe we could just realize it's not "bad" for anyone to hook up with anyone. Slut shaming isn't solving the problem that may or may not even be a problem. All it is doing is making girls feel inferior and boys superior. And I know this from personal experience. If you act like a "slut" (for lack of better words) you are treated like a slut, they shame you for it. The boys you hook up with, the boys who try to hook up with you, even your parents. I don't know how many times my dad has told me "it's different when you're a girl" and it makes me so mad. In respect to boys, they treat you like shit because they think they can. Every guy I have every "talked" to (which is such a bullshit term that I actually fucking hate because it's literally the same thing as dating) or liked or whatever has hooked up with someone else. Every. Single. One. I pretend like I don't care but obviously I do, anyone would. And it fucking terrifies me to finally say it. How can you be upset about losing something you never really had? These guys aren't worth my tears that I would never admit to. I guess I just thought I'd be overacting if I said how I actually felt. So I just gave up. But at some point you start to feel the way they treat you. You start to feel like you're always a second choice, a back up especially when you have so many examples of when you were. It makes me wonder how many relationships I could have made if I wasn't so afraid of getting hurt. And this is seen as your fault because that's the way you presented yourself by having sex with too many people. But that does not justify anything. It doesn't in any way make it okay for guys to treat you lesser, like you're some used napkin. I am a fucking cloth napkin at a 5 star restaurant god dammit and deserve to be treated like it.

Things will change and you will be happy

Nothing is finite. Even when you think your mind is your only friend and your skin no longer feels like home. When the flowers look dull and the wind burns your face. Even when you feel lonely when your not alone and feel bad when all you should be is happy-- When you look up at the night sky and no longer see stars. Just know that your mind will quiet down and your skin will fit again. The flowers will brighten and the wind will kiss your cheeks until you feel better. You'll find someone who will fill the loneliness in your heart and the sadness in your soul. Eventually you will see stars where ever you go-- in the people you love and the places you've always wanted to see. Things will change and you will be happy.

Being a people

I was thinking earlier about the fact that I finally decided to completely be myself. I always said I didn't care what people think but a small part of me always did. There was still a piece of the puzzle that is me missing. (booooo) When you're young you often think you have to be like everyone else to fit in or for people to like you. But then you get a little older and realize that none of that means anything. You don't feel a need to fit in because it is a made up concept. What does that mean? Fitting in. What are we fitting in with? The crowd, the mainstream idea of what we're supposed to be like? We are humans, not candy you try to 'fit in' your pocket before you go to the movies. Then I thought of how odd it is that you have to "learn to be yourself" and to "not care." But what really got me thinking about all of this is a quote I saw on tumblr..

"To be a happy person, one has to drop all comparison. Drop all these stupid ideas of being superior and inferior. You are neither superior nor inferior. You are simply yourself! There exists no one like you, no one with whom you can be compared. Then, suddenly, you are at home."

You are simply yourself. It's literally that easy. Yet we still make it so hard for ourselves and so unnecessarily. I'm not going to say that people will always like you for who you are, because they won't. Sometimes people won't like you. And that's okay. Certain personalities don't mesh, there's nothing wrong with that. That being said don't confuse hating someone with not getting alone with someone, those are two different things. Don't hate anyone. It is very useless. Just fucking love people for who they are. Just fucking do it. That's my advise. Because it's really not hard to do. You can not get along with anyone but yourself and your dog, but still love people just for being people. Because being a people is pretty rad. 

Wake up

My issue with fashion media (I googled.. it's a real term) and I suppose media in general.

Growing up I love love loved fashion and clothes and putting outfits together, and I still do. In kindergarten my mom still dressed me and that was absolutely not okay because hello Jaqui I'm not a little girl anymore I can pick out my own damn clothes (or so I thought). So I would bring clothes with me to school in a little barbie backpack and change as soon as I got into the classroom. My mom and teacher eventually caught on, but hey it's a good story now.

I literally used to live, breathe, eat, fashion and everything that encompasses it. I was subscribed to every fashion magazine and website out there. And for a very long time I had my heart set on becoming a fashion designer. I even took courses at Moore College of Art and Design and have a certificate in fashion design. My mind was set on going to school in New York City and taking the fashion world by storm. But all of that eventually changed...

Long story short I took RedAlert (a television production class) my sophomore year because my friends were and older boys that I was in love with at the time were so I thought I'd give it a try. Who knew it would completely change my life. A part of my still loved fashion, but a bigger part of me loved making videos even more.

The more I made psa's and editorials, even as silly as they were, I realized I wanted to do something important with my life and thought film could potentially be a good way to do that. I started to feel like the fashion industry was shallow and insipid and would just make me another typical girl who cares about name brands and designers. I wanted to make a difference, raise awareness, I don't know of what but just something, anything. And I was scared the fashion industry might change me. I was scared of becoming a mindless drone of a girl who obeys trends as if it really matters that floral is in and stripes are out.

I actually think it is appalling the amount of importance we put on looks and who's wearing what and what not to wear. The fact that girl's attack each other because they aren't wearing the right brands or don't look "the right way." There are show's and websites and bloggers bashing celebrities because they're wearing an "ugly" dress or last year's shoes. WHO FUCKING CARES!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Yeah I know that's completely cliche but it's true. The fact that you don't think a dress is pretty doesn't mean shit, because the person who's wearing it does! (I apologize ahead for the cursing I just feel strongly about this and feel the need to emphasize) What is the need to criticize other's based on how they look and the way they're dressed?? Nothing makes me feel shittier than when someone come's up to me and says "ugh what are you wearing?!" or "what's up with you're hair today?" anything along those lines. Why does making someone feel shitty make us feel good???

And I'm totally guilty of it. I find myself saying the same shit and immediately wanting to reverse time and take it back because I know how it makes me feel. I also find myself on website's like perez hilton or watching youtube video's of people trash talking one another. It's sick and I hate it. But a part of me also can't stop, which I guess make's me hate it even more.

On one hand I think it is important to keep up with your appearance, and make yourself look good. Emphasis on yourself because I think you should do it for you, not anyone else. But that's only to an extent. Because ya know what, some people feel fucking fantastic in hoodies and baggy clothes and don't give a shit. And I completely applaud them. We should be able to dress and look however the fuck we want to without someone questioning or criticizing it. Because I can't say it enough... WHO FUCKING CARES!!!

In my heart I know the answer is most people. Because most people care about these vapid things. If they didn't there wouldn't be all these outlets solely based on making others feel bad. In the end that's all it is. It might be funny to you that there's show's tearing apart celebrities for the way they look. Joan Rivers is a perfect example. She might be funny sometimes, mostly more offensive and over the top than anything, but it's not funny to the people she's constantly making fun of. She literally shits on peoples lives for a living and is getting paid good money for it. It's just wrong.

If we continue the way we're headed that's all the media is gonna be about, because that's what sells, it's what people want to hear. And honestly I think it's sad. It's sad that we're programmed to care and talk and think about all this stupid shit. We're so focused on Miley Cyrus's newest ridiculous outfit, that the important news is slipping through our fingers. The most noteworthy things that should be prominently talked about aren't even being covered because the media and the government are able to get away with it. They keep feeding us bullshit until we're too full to digest the real issues.

When all is said and done, it doesn't matter that Rihanna was styled horrendously for the Met Gala. What matter's is the 200 little girls who were kidnapped from their boarding school who are being sold for $12 each. What matter's is the amount of radiation currently in the pacific ocean that no one seems to want to talk about. What matter's is the fast paced destruction of our planet that so few feel the need to stop. Wake the fuck up people. Realize that we are our own worst problem.

Today is one page of a 365 page book

Today is just one page of a 365 page book. What you do with it is up to you. But what if you had physical books about your life. I'm not sure if that would be awesome or frightening... What if you had a book filled with every time you ever laughed, every happy memory you've ever had. What if you had a book filled with all the low points in your life, would you read it? You would probably see that most of that bad is completely outweighed by the good. What if you had a book filled with every time you were mean, every time you said something you shouldn't have. What if you had a book filled with every time your actions affected someone else? Would you live differently? What if you had a book filled with everyone who ever said your name, ever adored, disliked, or was jealous of you. Would you realize your importance? What would it take for you to understand that your actions completely affect everyone around you. The things you say, the things you do, all have an impact whether you know it or not. Every time you say something negative, you are feeding that to the universe. You're encouraging other people to do the same. Because the same way positivity radiates, so does negativity, probably worse. All these mind games and fake smiles, what do we get out of it in the end? Confusion? Instead of telling people how we feel we pretend we don't care. Because it's easier, because you can't feel pain if you never put yourself out there. But the pain of the unknown can be far worse. As long as we know we can eventually process and accept the outcome, good or bad. Thinking of what could have been is harder than knowing what is. What will it take for us, as humans, to live as such. To live and feel and hurt as we were meant to. That we should never be embarrassed by an emotion or feel the need to hide it. And as much as I tell myself this and want to believe it I'm still terrified of my emotions myself. It's hard for your heart and mind to coincide when they tell you different things. You can believe in something all you want but the real difficulty is acting upon it. These indoctrinated ideas in our head make it so so hard. Some thing's need to be changed collectively. We can tell ourselves something over and over but there will always be a little voice in the back of our head telling us not to, trying to protect us from getting hurt. But sometimes it's the pain that helps us grow and move forward. If you had a book filled with your whole life story, would you like who you are? If you had a book that completely described the human race as a whole, would you be ashamed? I think I might be. Ashamed of what we've become, what we value, what we do and say. So much hate and violence and war. When will there be peace? Will there ever be? Can there ever be? "Those who love peace must learn to organize as effectively as those who love war." Why is it so much easier to be mean than to be nice? What will it take for us to love one another? Today is just one page in a 365 page book. What you do is up to you. You have the choice to make a difference, to be the change. Be the change. 

plastic surgery, body image, and the government....

I was watching girl code and they were talking about plastic surgery which had me thinking about body image in general. I'll first touch on plastic surgery, the way I see it if you want something done do it for you, not anyone else. Don't get a boob job because your boyfriend or anyone else wants you to. I mean if you want it your boyfriend/ significant other probably won't fight you against it but make sure it's what you want. Because after all it's your body and that's your right.

Now on body image... The way people talk about it makes me really mad sometimes. Saying "0 is not a size" is not promoting positive body image at all. Why is it okay for curvy girls to discriminate against skinny girls and it be okay when it's an outrage the other way around? Cause hello some girls are skinny and that's okay. I'm not saying you should ever do anything unhealthy to become skinny but some chicks are skinny. Some chicks are also curvy and that's awesome. I get that in the society we live in it can be hard when people idolize these skinny models and celebrities. But bashing one body type to promote another is like going to war for peace. (which is another big issue that I have that I'll probably write about later)

Why in this society do we think the only way for yourself to win is to bring others down? Why is it so ridiculous of a thought to love everyone, no matter what they look like, sound like, dress like etc. just because we are all human? On the inside we all look the same and on the outside we all have the same body parts. Some may be bigger than others but is that seriously something we should even care about? Like honesty sit a minute and think about it. Because the more you do the more ridiculous it becomes.

But this is what businesses and the government want. They want us fixated on these vapid things so we don't deal with the real issues. Companies make so much money every time a new trend comes out, every time one person decides "this is in" and we all follow. One decade being curvy was in, another decade being skinny is. We are programmed to waste all our time on meaningless things and you don't even realize it. 

Why do we care so much what our body looks like? We never stop to think how amazing and crazy it is that we even exist. Everything in our body is connected and wired to work just right. We are made of billions of tiny little atoms and particles. I don't know if it's just me but I think that's pretty astounding. But instead we hate on our bodies and other peoples bodies because they don't "look the right way." 

And yeah I know I kind of just contradicted myself.. I think? I believe you have a right to change and look the way that makes you feel good, but we should also be aware of what a positive body image really is. We should also think about what's really going on and why we care about these trivial things. Because it's wrong and it's happening right under our noses. I will probably make a post more on the government later, but for now I'll leave it at that.

To sum it up and I guess make it more clear I believe everyone has a right to their own body. If you want to change it, enhance it, morph it, shrink it, whatever, do it if it will make you happy. What I don't agree with is the way some people view body image and the way mass media sensationalizes who got fat, who lost too much weight, covering stories on little girls who commit suicide because of the way they look, instead of doing something about it. People try to change the way people perceive body image but they go about it the wrong way, even if they have all the right intentions. We should also at least be aware of what the government is doing. #GirlCode

This kind of became a rant and went in a direction I wasn't expecting but you know it happens. I'm sitting in starbucks and feel like I'm a real live blogger now, like this was my initiation. It feels good, it feels right. 

Atelophobia

What exactly is an imperfection? Why do we see them so negatively? Why are we always striving for the unattainable? If you have a scar on your face or a birthmark on your back that is my favorite thing about you. Scars are memories. I love every single scar on my body because they remind me of something. It's amazing how they are able to bring back so many emotions, good or bad. It's like hearing a song and being taken back to the moment you first heard it, same concept. Birthmarks or freckles or moles or any other "imperfections" on your body are little kisses left from the past. What if the amount of freckles you have is the amount of lives you've lived, the way you can tell a ladybugs age by it's spots or a trees age by it's rings. Our matter is continuously recycled back into the Earth. Every molecule that you breathe, has been a part of someone or something else. Past lives aren't so far fetched. Everything in nature is organic, it's perfectly imperfect. Which is why perfection is so hard to achieve, because it doesn't truly exist. But then again how do you differentiate what really exists and what's made up? Words for instance were all made up. Think about it. Numbers and letters don't exist in nature, neither does language. But we had to make up these things to make sense of it all, so we could count the flowers and describe the moon. Because everything that ever was or ever will be is ever changing, ever evolving. We started out as nothingness in an extremely dense state, which overtime expanded forming subatomic particles. After thousands of years these particles turned to atoms, which turned to elements, which, through gravity, formed galaxies and stars, which eventually formed us. We are star dust, star stuff. How can you not love your flaws knowing that? They don't really exist, it's something we've made up because we have the idea in our heads that we should be a certain way, look a certain way. We constantly trying to obtain perfection. We think that anything different is ugly, when in reality it is just the opposite. "Imperfection is beauty." Embrace what ya got going on. Don't let anyone put you down, or make you feel bad about yourself. Look in the mirror every day and say "I is kind, I is smart, I is important." Then realize that has nothing to do with anything I just talked about and go watch The Help. Or better yet read the book. Reading is cool.

I think some thoughts

I think that everyone you ever knew holds a part of your heart. Whether it's intact or broken. Whether it's full of love or lust, hate or anger. They hold a part of you just for knowing you. I think that everyone who ever controlled your thoughts holds a part of your mind. Whether they know it or not. I think that everyone you've ever touched or who ever touched you, physically, mentally, or emotionally holds a part of your body. They were with you when you needed it and when you didn't know you needed it. We all hold a part of each other. We might feel lonely sometimes, but we are never alone.

A white girl walks into starbucks...

I really feel like stereotypes and racism and sexism and general hatred needs to be addressed. My view point is if it exists you mine as well make a joke of it. You mine as well laugh about it because when you do, you take the negative power away. I think shows like Family Guy actually have a something going by poking fun at these kinds of issues. They make really offensive things into jokes and I think that's really the only way to handle it. Hatred will always exist, but when you make light of the situation it makes it less vicious in a way. Now obviously theres a difference between making jokes about something in a good hearted way, and being down right spiteful. Obviously I think theres something very wrong when people say hateful things and mean them hatefully. But when you start to joke about these things it's a way of reclaiming the offensive terms. Because in my opinion offensive words aren't offensive you if aren't using them in that context. For instance what does calling someone a fag who isn't really a homosexual really do? The term is already offensive, and may always be offensive to certain people but it doesn't have to be. Our emotions and feelings are what make words offensive in the first place. Because when it comes down to it words are words. They are all comprised of 26 different letters and have no meaning until we give them meaning. If we brush them off and laugh along, the insulting terms or phrases eventually become powerless. Take the word leg for example, in the 16th and 17th centuries legs were so private it was considered a swear word. People were genuinely appalled by the word, the way some people today are appalled by the terms vagina or penis. (which really does not make sense to me, and never will, but nonetheless...) This shows the shift in the general consensus of what is seen as taboo. As the years go by words fall out out of use for various reasons, one being that we no longer place high value on the particular insult or term. Obviously legs are no longer obscene, therefore it is no longer considered a curse word. In the 18th century the word damn was a particularly sensitive word, so much that it would generally be written d--m. But sensitivities change and that is a rather mild term being used without a second thought. The word occupy is another example that, at the time, was used to describe the act of sexual penetration. This shows that words are always evolving and changing. So if in time words change why can't we skip that process and change them ourselves? Reclaim them. If we are all able to laugh about our stereotypes, it takes the demeaning aspects away. Once a bee stings you, it dies, this can be the same for language. Let the pain hurt you for a while, but watch it be killed and laugh as a result. We hold the power, not the words. We have the ability change and redefine them as we please so why not? Derogatory terms don't have to exist, we make them exist. So for as long as they're around the best thing to do is laugh it off. The people who are trying to be hateful won't be able to stand it, and the people who agree will appreciate it.

What inspires you?

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”

When asked what inspires me, this quote immediately comes to mind because happiness inspires me. Positivity inspires me. Laughter, and joy, and love inspires me. It takes a certain type of person to realize how influential and important happiness truly is. Aya Rand believes the ultimate goal to life is self happiness and why shouldn't it be? When you are happy, it radiates from you and makes other people happy. There's nothing more inspiring than when someone's smile alone, can change someone's mood. It especially inspires me when people are happy who shouldn’t be. People who are sick, or people who live in third world countries. People who have every reason to be miserable, but choose not to be. Because life is beautiful and the world is amazing. There is always something to smile about, and if you think otherwise, smile at the moon and the stars; smile at the vastness of it all and the endless possibilities. Happiness inspires me because it can be hard. Sometimes it’s difficult and sometimes all you want to do is curl up in bed. But all the hardships in life only help you appreciate the good. It may take a traumatic experience for you to realize it, but in the end it is worth it. Happiness inspires me because of the mere power of it.

It's finally over....

Ahhh finally today's the official last day of everything!! After about four months now, it's about time. My nurse is coming to take my picc line out and I'll be free! It's been a long road but I'm almost glad it happened. A lot of positive has come out of it surprisingly. Here are a couple typical quotes that I can really relate to now.

1. You don't know what you got till its gone.
Your ankle is an important body part! You don't realize how great walking is until you can't do it anymore. So appreciate your limbs!!!

2.This too shall pass.
Believe me it will and you will come out a better person because of it.

3. When it rains, it pours.
I really never get sick, but when I do, I do it big.

4. Everything happens for a reason.
It really does. If this never happened I would still be down in Tampa, and may have never realized it wasn't the place for me. Because I had so much time to think I decided UArts would be a better fit for me and I'm really happy about the decision! Although I will dearly, dearly miss my Trampa :(

5.When life gives you lemons...
When something bad happens, turn it around into something positive and productive. If I would have never gotten sick you wouldn't be reading this right now.

6. Expect the unexpected.
Because whether you want it to happen or not, it will, or can. So prepare yourself for the worst so it's a happy surprise when the best possible situation happens.

7. Carpe Diem.
Seize the day!! Because you never know when it will seize you...

8. Rome wasn't built in a day.
Healing takes time, but when it happens it will be beautiful.

9. Too glam to give a damn.
It's true.

10. Patience is a virtue. 
You just gotta ride the ride. Things don't always happen in an instance, that's okay.

11. Death before dishonor. 
Alway remember to die before you bring upon dishonor to your family.

12. Glass half full.
No matter what, look at the glass half full. Because you could say it's half empty, or you could be the asshole that says "the glass technically is always full; half of it is water and the other half is air." Don't be that guy. Just say its half full because it represents optimism and positivity. Actually the quote is stupid, just be positive.

13. Home is where the heart is.
But sometimes being home makes you wanna rip your heart out. (Yeah dramatic but you get what I mean, your family will always have a way of getting on your nerves from time to time... or always... But they love you)

14. Just keep swimming.
Eventually you will get where you wanna go, just don't give up.

15. Keep your head up.
Rock whatever situation you're in, it will get better eventually.

16. Mind over matter. 
Will power can always outweigh physical limitations as long as you set your mind to it.

17. Don't worry be happy.
Literally just be happy. It can be that simply and easy if you let it be.

18. Break a leg.
Just kidding. Definitely don't do that, it sucks.

Don't ruin me

I hope age doesn't ruin my mind

And dilute it

So all that is left is nonsense. 

I hope my thoughts stay wild

And my ideas run rampant.

I hope age doesn't ruin my sense of wonder

And kill it

So all that is left is lifeless. 

I hope my veins pulse experience

And my eyes seek adventure.

I hope age doesn't ruin my soul

And pollute it

I hope my frequency stays high

and my energy radiates.

Because theres nothing more sad

than someone who allows age to change them. 

I have a lot of thoughts on this, so many that I'm not sure where to start. Basically I just don't want age to ruin me. I don't want it to turn me into a typical adult and there's nothing more frightening to me then the thought that it could. I am so confused how so many older people have such obscure ideas of what its like to be a kid when we all started out as one. And when someone tells me that I'll regret something when I'm older I truly believe, or want to believe, I won't. Because how can you regret something that once made you happy? A tattoo for instance, even if you don't particularly like it as you get older, how can you not look at it every day and smile due to the fact that it once made you smile. I don't think people generally see things this way. That something that once made you happy should always make you happy because it once made you happy. Does that make sense? And I guess this mindset doesn't apply to everything or everyone, but it's something to think about. And maybe it's just change that scares me. Bad change anyway. I just don't want to turn into someone I'd hate at this point in time. Because I see people who were once adventurous and carefree become so straight laced and serious. I know apart of it is maturing and growing up but it doesn't all have to be. You can mature without becoming the total opposite of who you were. Can't you? 

Something to think about

Do you ever wonder how many pictures people have taken of you? Or think about how many memories you've been in the background of? Look at all of the pictures you have and think of all the stories they hold. Now look at all the people in the background. All the strangers who have been present on the best day of your life, or the worst. The day your dream came true, or the day your dream died. You don't realize all of the memories you've shared with people you don't even know. It's a really crazy concept when you think about it. How connected we all are and the importance of all of us. How being at the right place, at the right time, you became a part of someones life totally by accident. I don't think people think about this enough. How one persons actions could effect so many others. That every choice you make could perchance change someones life entirely. I think if we all thought in this way, we would live our lives much differently. If we realized how the course of our life coincides with everyone else's around us. The impact each of us have on one another. That with every picture you take you are bringing strangers into your life and that you become apart of every picture you are in the background of. We are all interconnected. And even something as seemingly insignificant as the strangers in the background of your photos, is an essential aspect of your life.

Words and stuff

Sometime I get high and write things in the notes on my phone. These are just a couple, I'll post more as they come.

#1

Words hurt.

They leave marks,

Not physically.

But with enough time,

These marks begin to show,

And the pain starts to pour out of your eyes 

And you are broken. 

#2 

At the age of 14 you think you know all there is to know. You're practically an adult. You fall (hard) for anything a boy tells you. "You're hot" "you got a nice ass" so romantic. 

And then he goes in for the kiss. You're nervous, not sure what to do. So you wait for his direction. You feel his tongue on yours and you're excited. This is everything. You've ever wanted. You're very first kiss. Behind the bleachers. Hoping your braces don't get stuck together. Hoping you don't get caught. Hoping you're doing everything right. If only he could hear the thoughts. Sprinting through your head. If only it meant as much to him. As it. Did to you. But what he will never admit. Is that. It did. 

#3

You turn me on
with the things you do,
the things you say,
and all the things I hate.

#4 

Raindrops drip as tears run down my face,

It's comforting knowing the weather is as sad as I am.

#5

It's funny

How when you're older you revert back to a child

You live in a home

Where people are constantly trying to keep your attention

Exactly like an infant

And someone cuts your food and helps you dress and bathe

You need to be watched at all times so you don't act up

It's funny

How you can live all these years and then it's as if its totally washed away

You're helpless when you're born and you're helpless when you die

It's funny

How cyclical life is

And how sometimes it's over before you've had a chance to live.

#6

Boys have this ability

To smile

And make you forget,

His words

That hurt you the most.

His actions

That made you feel small.

His mouth

Will burn holes in your skin

And you

Will let it all happen

Because

You are weak

And his lips

Are still as sweet

As the first time you kissed

#7

I used to look at him and see stars in his eyes,

but slowly, eventually,
those stars faded,
and all that was left were black holes.

#8
People will use fear to control you.
If you don't believe in God, you will go to hell.
If you don't listen to your government, you will go to jail.
If you don't work hard, you will be unsuccessful.
If you don't do as your parents say, you will be punished.
If you don't think the way others do, you are wrong.
But remember
You are free, you are free, you are free.

#9
I've got some issues that nobody can see,
And all of these emotions are pouring out of me.

(I realize this is a Kid Cudi lyric but at the time I was really convinced I made it up)

A message to graduating seniors

Being a senior in high school is an extremely exciting time. You're the oldest in the school and you think you run shit. And honestly you do. Think of how you viewed the seniors when you were a freshmen. They were so much older and mature and worldly... and then you become one yourself and see the reality of it. It's a time you start planning for your future which is fun and exciting but equally scary and stressful. So here are my tips on how to tackle your senior year of high school and some helpful things to remember going on to college.

1. If you have the opportunity to graduate early, do it. 
(It's obviously too late for the graduating seniors now to do this, so juniors and younger this one is really for you). Now I know everyone thinks "but no I want to spend time with my friends" or "I won't feel like part of the school anymore by prom or graduation" But none of that matters. If I could go back I would have taken that time to work, save up money, maybe take a couple classes at community college. Because if you don't save up you go into freshmen year broke as fuck, having to call your parents every other week and beg for money. Then after the first couple months they will cut you off and you'll have to get a real job which I don't recommend your first semester. Take time to focus on your work and adjust yourself to the new environment.

2. Don't waste time on people you don't actually care about. 
Everyone has the mindset that it's your last year of high school so you want to be friends with everyone before you all go away. Don't waste your time. Because either way you are only going to really stay in contact with your close friends. I'm not saying you won't talk to other people once in a while, but don't push away your close friends for people you are trying to become friends with. I can count on both hands all the people from high school I talk to on a daily basis. Those are the ones you'll be calling at 2 in the morning because you're drunk and you miss them.

3. Fuck duel enrollment.
Don't spend the money unless it's one you know will transfer to the school you're going to. That goes for AP classes as well. If you don't think you'll get a 3 or above on the exam, don't waste you're money on the test. I spent like 90 bucks or whatever on a child development duel enrollment and have no clue where that credit went. It's floating around space somewhere, but I've never seen it. I guess if you care enough you could ask someone, but to be honest it's not worth it because I know it wouldn't transfer anyway. Take that $90 and splurge at Urban Outfitters. And by splurge I mean buy a tee shirt, a hangover cookbook and a 'fuck my liver' flask; things that will actually be useful in college.

4. Don't get too overwhelmed. 
Failing one physics test does not matter. Don't get sick over your grades, it's stupid. Unless you're trying to get into an ivy league school, your gpa is not that big of a deal. As long as you get alright SAT scores and have some extracurriculars under your belt you'll get in. I was so worried I wouldn't get in anywhere that I applied to 13 schools and got in to all but two. It was a complete waste of money and time. Even if it's not your top choice, you'll get in somewhere and love it. Because college is pretty fucking fun no matter where you go.

5. Your parents are great and all, but learn to be independent. 
I know I'm really lucky that my parents helped me apply to school and pay for loans and everything, but sometimes you have to do things on your own. My dad is overly involved to the point where he won't let me figure things out by myself and I always have to tell him to back off. It makes it really hard to become independent when you don't know how to be. If your parents are helping you, do everything with them, don't let them do it on their own. Because now I'm clueless when it comes to certain things because I was never taught how, it was just done for me. Also if you don't know how to do laundry, learn how to before you go to college. Don't be that pathetic kid asking for help, it's really not that hard and pretty much self explanatory.

6. Group chats are life.
Stay in contact with your friends from home with a group chat. I can't stress enough how nice it is being in a new place and still have all your best friends virtually by your side. Especially if you go somewhere far away like I did and don't know anyone, being able to text in the group chat at any time of the day and someone answering is extremely comforting. They are also great if you are feeling down or stressed and need a good laugh. You're hometown homies always gotchu when it comes to that.

7. Don't do anything just because you think you have to. 
Because you don't. You never have to do anything you don't feel right about. If your friends are all into greek life and you're not about it don't feel pressured to join because of them or anyone else. I joined because I was a legacy and felt like I had to but ended up hating it. So don't bother spending all that money if you aren't 100% about it. If you're friends are getting drunk on a Tuesday and you have a test the next day, pass on drinking and study. It will benefit you in the long run. Learn from my mistakes.

8. That goes for college in general as well. 
If you don't think you're ready, don't go. Take time off to work and think and travel. Don't worry about "graduating on time" that means nothing. You're young. You don't have to graduate at 22 if it's not the right time for you. And don't let anyone shame or guilt you into going. Just because you don't go right after college, doesn't mean you can't go eventually.

9. Don't go to a school for the wrong reasons.
This is what I did. I wanted to get far away and go somewhere warm that people would be jealous of. They had my major, but it wasn't the best place to go for it. This was the dumbest thing I could have ever done. Because even though it isn't the right place for you, you will still fall in love with it. How could you want to leave the palm trees and pool breaks between classes? It will make it harder leaving after you went and made friends. Believe me it would have been easier for me to never experience it because I wouldn't know the difference. Go where they have a good program for your major that you love. Remember it is college, not a vacation.

10. Learn to live for yourself. 
This is different than being independent. Living for yourself is doing things for you, not doing things because other people want or expect you to. This is the time in your life where it is essential to start living for yourself. You no longer have to live for your parents, or you friends. You don't have to do things you hate because your mom told you to. You are on your own to make your own decisions and do what you want to do. Learn how to do this responsibly. Don't do something crazy just because you don't have anyone telling you not to. Do something crazy because it's something you want to do and it's college. You're supposed to do stupid things, mess up, and learn from it.

11. Lastly, always do what makes you happy. 
No matter what, if it will make you happy, do it. And if that's day drinking on a wednesday because your class gets canceled that's okay. Just don't make a habit of it. If it'll make you smile or laugh, it's worth doing. Because in the end if you're happy it will radiate from you and make others happy. There are so many kids in college who are miserable because they listen to all this outside nonsense and it gets to their head. This crazy time in your life can be simple if you just do what makes you happy, and not care what anyone else thinks.