Double standards and bullshit

I guess I just have a lot on my mind today and have a lot to say... I'm going to be really honest right now. I HATE being a girl. But I also don't want to be a boy either. I hate the gender stereotypes and the fact that most of them are true. I hate the double standards most of all. The fact that a guy can do something, but a girl can't. Why is it that when a girl hooks up with a lot of guys, she's slut shamed, but when a guy does it, he's praised? Does no one see how fucked up that is?

If it is "bad" for girls to hook up with a lot of guys, it should be the same the other way around. Or maybe we could just realize it's not "bad" for anyone to hook up with anyone. Slut shaming isn't solving the problem that may or may not even be a problem. All it is doing is making girls feel inferior and boys superior. And I know this from personal experience. If you act like a "slut" (for lack of better words) you are treated like a slut, they shame you for it. The boys you hook up with, the boys who try to hook up with you, even your parents. I don't know how many times my dad has told me "it's different when you're a girl" and it makes me so mad. In respect to boys, they treat you like shit because they think they can. Every guy I have every "talked" to (which is such a bullshit term that I actually fucking hate because it's literally the same thing as dating) or liked or whatever has hooked up with someone else. Every. Single. One. I pretend like I don't care but obviously I do, anyone would. And it fucking terrifies me to finally say it. How can you be upset about losing something you never really had? These guys aren't worth my tears that I would never admit to. I guess I just thought I'd be overacting if I said how I actually felt. So I just gave up. But at some point you start to feel the way they treat you. You start to feel like you're always a second choice, a back up especially when you have so many examples of when you were. It makes me wonder how many relationships I could have made if I wasn't so afraid of getting hurt. And this is seen as your fault because that's the way you presented yourself by having sex with too many people. But that does not justify anything. It doesn't in any way make it okay for guys to treat you lesser, like you're some used napkin. I am a fucking cloth napkin at a 5 star restaurant god dammit and deserve to be treated like it.