Sex Ed as Told by a Confused White Bitch

I think we all view sexuality in such a strange and close minded way. The biggest problem is we all assume everyone (for the most part) we meet is straight. Think about it. The first time you meet someone and they appear straight (whatever that means) you figure that they are. No one assumes you're gay unless you act gay or look gay. Which basically means acting feminine if you're a guy and butch if you're a girl. But the way you act and talk and move and look shouldn't automatically determine your sexuality. 

Another big thing for me is how do you know you don't like something until you try it? I was a super picky eater as a child and sometimes I would look at certain foods and just assume I don't like it because I didn't like the way it looked, but then once I finally did try it I realized how much I liked it. I could have been eating this amazing food my whole life if I weren't so close minded. It's like strawberry ice cream. Just because at first it might seem weird and fruity doesn't mean you won't enjoy it once you try it.

In the same way how do you know you're not gay until you try it out? Now my feelings toward this could totally be off base and most straight people know they're straight without having to experiment, I don't know. But I don't think there's anything wrong with experimenting and figuring out what you like. It doesn't make you a sex fiend or nymphomaniac it just means you're figuring out who you are. 

I've always been curious and eager to figure out my sexuality because I never thought I could identify as 100% straight. I never found a need to define and label myself, but I did want to learn what I liked and what I didn't like. I still like to keep my sexuality a little ambiguous and keep people guessing, it's none of their business anyway and unless I'm fucking them, irrelevant. 

Ever since 8th grade and the rumor that I was gay came out, I've always been a little confused for multiple reasons. The only reason I didn't think I was gay because I was expected to be straight. At this point in my life I had 0 sexual experiences so how was I supposed to know? I had barely kissed a guy. I knew I thought guys were hot, but I also thought girls were hot too. And I'm still not sure if I find girls attractive or can spot an attractive girl. All girls can tell when a girl is pretty, but whether or not they want to fuck them is a different story.. The main questions I had about the whole thing were as follows

                 1. Do I act and seem gay? 

                 2. Is that supposed to be an insult? 

                 3. What if I am? 

                 4. How do I know if I am? 

                 5. Is it okay if I am? 

I always blew it off and told everyone I wasn't and I still am not. I like boys, but I've recently been discovering I also like girls. Right now I don't think I could see myself just dating a chick, but I also can't see myself just dating a guy either. I have yet to meet my person. When I do, I kdon't know what gender they will be, but that doesn't really matter. Here in the now I am finally finding myself. 

Your sexuality is a huge aspect of who you are. When you aren't sure what you are, you feel lost and unbalanced. Especially in a society who pretty much expects you to be straight. That's the "norm." When you finally do realize you're gay or Bi or whatever you have to "come out." It's a nerve wracking experience where you have to tell everyone that you're different. This should not exist. It shouldn't be assumed that everyone is straight. That's one of the most fucked up things. 

In the process of figuring out my sexuality I started having threesomes. I figured this was the best way to figure out whether or not I like girls in a sexual way while also still having a guy there in case I don't. I found out I do. I had made out with chicks before, but that doesn't mean shit. I finally verified out I like girls, but I still also like guys. I suppose that makes me BI, but again, I don't like the label. I love sex so this took everything to a new level. And I don't think there is anything wrong with that. It's a natural part of being a human. Most people are doing it, so why do we feel the need to hide it? 

If we were all more open about sexuality the world would be a nicer place to live. We judge people based on who they love more than their character. Homophobes don't mind shitty straight people, but are disgusted by good gay people. That makes no sense to me. I don't think you should judge anyone but if you're gonna do it, do it based off their god awful personality, not the person they're attracted to.


*I am pansexual, a sexuality I didn't know existed till after this post was published. Reasons why we need to be taught sexualities, not just sex Ed. This is important and would save people like me a lot of time and concern and heart ache.*